Hollow

My mental health is getting out of control. It's often scary at times when I can feel myself losing control of everything.

There's been times were I've had enough of even being me. I pray that I could have an outer body experience and just float and not feel anything.

I've  woke up and I know I need too get a grip of the problems i have but how do I get a grip of something when I don't fully understand what's going on my self.

I get embarrassed of my pain because what if no one believes me.

I don't need someone to talk to I just need people to understand what they are doing.

Bering scared of family and friends because of the constant questions. Questions and accusation on what they think I should feel and not what I actually feel.

I feel isolated and trapped in my own body and mind because of this constant pain and neglect I feel open my self.

My pain isn't ever discussed its just dictated to me.

Like my own pain and feelings are a dictatorship and not a democracy.

People preach that you shouldn't allow people to tell you How to feel and think but How can you stop them preaching when they are louder then my own voice I hold.

If rather write things in a note pad then share them openly and freely through speech and not literature.

Why do I feel that songs get me more than my own thoughts.

I feel like an ant in a lions cage. Not being seen or heard but just waiting for that attack.

Why am I no longer the lion? When did I transform into a ant in my own mind.

The  ant  tried to be so loud in a world full of lions.

I feel like my mind  has become a lesson, but a lesson  I not yet undestand.

I can only run. No longer have the ability to walk peacefully through the days that pass. I'm chasing a message that I can no longer see.

When will these games end with my mind and me.